So apparently I'm suffering from a twenty-something crisis (via self-diagnosis). Wikipedia has a whole list of symptoms, and I will get to the root of the problem.
1. Feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level
Ahaha I wish that was my problem. More likely, chemistry is getting harder and more detailed, which while being excited makes it hard to have a life outside of the degree, because it suddenly requires such focus on things that have little physical meaning (what exactly is an exchange integral anyway?).
2. Frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
True true. The working world scares me with its rules that are seldom based on a meritocracy but rather on who can deliver by any means. I also have no idea what I want to do upon graduation. I have thought about going into radio journalism, but that is just really competitive.....
3. Confusion of identity
Certainly. I no longer recognise myself as the person I was just a few years ago. I have "changed".
4. Insecurity regarding the near future
5. Insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
This is the worst one. What will I end up as when I am old? Will I amount to anything?
6 Insecurity regarding present accomplishments
Even though I feel I have managed a lot so far, I cannot avoid feeling a bit burnt out.
7 Re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
Moving countries constantly means this is hard anyway. I have friendships but they are rather fragile.
8 Disappointment with one's job
9 Nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
Yes. I feel I could have done more in high school (socially).
10 Tendency to hold stronger opinions
11 Boredom with social interactions
12 Loss of closeness to high school and college friends
To an extent...
13 Financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
This one is bad. After I got screwed over by the Danish government who refused to give me any financial aid, followed by complete apathy from the Swedish government's side, I find myself barely being able to survive with the hardship grant my university has given me. In Heathrow airport I had run out of money completely on both credit cards so I resorted to paying a sandwich with pennies. I managed to get to £2.30 when the lady at the cashier said it was all right that she would let me have the £2.50 sandwich and that she had extra money in the cashier that would cover up the deficit. Very nice of her, I never caught her name.
University is a lonely place. Oxford is filled with libraries and spacious study areas, but life certainly feels lonesome often. I am very happy to live in a house with a really good set of friends who look after each other. Otherwise I do not know how I would have managed.
15 Desire to have children
16 A sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you
Yes, very true indeed.
Now for some childhood escapism. I remember "reading" this book years ago in a library in Copenhagen. Now it is being made into a film. I cannot wait to see it!