So apparently I'm suffering from a twenty-something crisis (via self-diagnosis). Wikipedia has a whole list of symptoms, and I will get to the root of the problem.
1. Feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level
Ahaha I wish that was my problem. More likely, chemistry is getting harder and more detailed, which while being excited makes it hard to have a life outside of the degree, because it suddenly requires such focus on things that have little physical meaning (what exactly is an exchange integral anyway?).
2. Frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
True true. The working world scares me with its rules that are seldom based on a meritocracy but rather on who can deliver by any means. I also have no idea what I want to do upon graduation. I have thought about going into radio journalism, but that is just really competitive.....
3. Confusion of identity
Certainly. I no longer recognise myself as the person I was just a few years ago. I have "changed".
4. Insecurity regarding the near future
Indeed.
5. Insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
This is the worst one. What will I end up as when I am old? Will I amount to anything?
6 Insecurity regarding present accomplishments
Even though I feel I have managed a lot so far, I cannot avoid feeling a bit burnt out.
7 Re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
Moving countries constantly means this is hard anyway. I have friendships but they are rather fragile.
8 Disappointment with one's job
Disregard.
9 Nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
Yes. I feel I could have done more in high school (socially).
10 Tendency to hold stronger opinions
I suppose...
11 Boredom with social interactions
Not true.
12 Loss of closeness to high school and college friends
To an extent...
13 Financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
This one is bad. After I got screwed over by the Danish government who refused to give me any financial aid, followed by complete apathy from the Swedish government's side, I find myself barely being able to survive with the hardship grant my university has given me. In Heathrow airport I had run out of money completely on both credit cards so I resorted to paying a sandwich with pennies. I managed to get to £2.30 when the lady at the cashier said it was all right that she would let me have the £2.50 sandwich and that she had extra money in the cashier that would cover up the deficit. Very nice of her, I never caught her name.
14 Loneliness
University is a lonely place. Oxford is filled with libraries and spacious study areas, but life certainly feels lonesome often. I am very happy to live in a house with a really good set of friends who look after each other. Otherwise I do not know how I would have managed.
15 Desire to have children
God NO!
16 A sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you
Yes, very true indeed.
Now for some childhood escapism. I remember "reading" this book years ago in a library in Copenhagen. Now it is being made into a film. I cannot wait to see it!
haha GOD NO! - dont worry, be happy!
ReplyDeletehey christian,
ReplyDeleteI hope you dont mind me commenting on this even if I do not know you well. I however am a curious thing and couldn't resist reading and now that I have read and I do feel the need to comment.
first and foremost I hope that you are feeling better now. that is probably the first thing that should be established... concentrate on what you are happy/proud of for just a little bit even if the rest is so chaotic.
the next important thing I would like to tell you... which actually is the wisdom of a mutual friend of ours and not properly my own ... 1) do *not* do self diagnosis 2) never reed wikipedia for things like that
being between countries must be horribly stressful at times. you have probably gone through more culture shocks than the average person can even imagine, let alone go through. but look at what this provides you with! and I am not just referring to the languages, no the flexible way of thinking... the betting understanding of the world, probably also a greater openness to people who are a bit different. and by opening up to so many people, by being able to relate to so many people you have likely gained oh so much knowledge and experience. would you really want to give that side of you up? isnt it a treasure more than anything? most people are only ever given one world they either may or may not fit into and either may or may not like/ understand. you are given the gift to slip in and out of multiple worlds at your will. please, dont condemn that.
I hesitate to comment on relationship issues. may I? do forgive me if I may not. honestly and truly please do not worry yourself. being single isnt some kind of disease that needs to go away as soon as possible, even if modern culture tries to make us believe so. finding someone to really connect too is hard for anyone. where you might have trouble finding someone who really understands your milti-culturalness someone else will have great problems finding someone who fits to them because they are a blatant arse (excuse my french).
one thing I very very much hate in life is being lonely. you *do* have friends and I know that you have proper friends in uni and I cannot imagine you not having them elsewhere. concentrate on these friends that you have! also... if you were not so sociable in high school... then my! just look at how far you have come. are you not proud of yourself?
you will amount to something.
chin up
adriana
oooo i cant wait to for wild things to come out!!!! damnit gotta wait till october!! ah sigh.
ReplyDeleteanyway i know how ur feeling believe me.
me the whole medic crazed, MSF obsessed, volunteer seeking and third world loving nahedeh is no longer gonna study medicine.. ive wanted to drop out or after this degree pursue everything and anything from development studies, journalism, politics, sustainable environments, and sooo ooooonnn.
but ive reached a conclusion.
an answer.
so how about we talk some time then n i shall share what i have come to?